The Best Kept Secret of WW II
(A musical farce formerly titled I Was a Teenage Werewolf for the Third Reich)

Act I

A saxophone wails as a solitary man in a raincoat stands under a lamppost, a cigarette dangling from his lips (think Bogart, think Mitchum). Jackie O'Malley smiles knowingly and begins to tell his story. It begins in 1938 in the typical American home of the typical American family, including the typical girl next door. It is typically quiet on Elm Street in Lacrosse, Wisconsin, but over the waters all is not so peaceful. Adolph is on the rise and his reach is about to extend even into the O'Malley household. While father John O'Malley and mother Hilda O'Malley sing of the virtues of family life - "It's Home to Me" - Fraulein Blunder and her blundering henchmen, Heinrich and Claus, prepare to replace apple pie and baseball with a darker vision - "Here in America." Fraulein Blunder is furious at John O'Malley's mocking attempt to equate Hitler with Charlie Chaplin - "Heil, Charlie!" - and begins to work insidiously through the children. Jackie and Rhonda are caught up in the promise of a brighter future as they sing "The Strength of a Leader of Men." Blunder visits the secret laboratory of the typical mad scientist, Professor Cowan, who is developing an elixer which will guarantee Hitler's successful overthrow of America. The key will be to turn American teenagers into typical movie monster werewolves - "Lycanthropy" - and destroy freedom as we know it - "Tomorrow, Ze Vorld!" On a park bench, the plot gets dollops of thickness as Blunder surreptitiously plies Jackie with Cowan's concoction. Blunder appears thwarted when nothing happens - "All Right." But then, Jackie's hormones are stirred by the ever-lovely Rhonda - "I'll Love You in Moonlight" - and the transformation begins, all under the watchful eyes of Raggedy Ann and Andy. The beast in Jackie frightens Rhonda, and Blunder-Cowan-Hitler are on the brink of success at the end of Act One as Jackie lopes after his own father under Blunder's orders to kill.

Act II

It is the following morning, and Hilda is worried. For the first time in their married life, "He Didn't Come Home to Me." Jackie has a terrific morning-after headache, a condition amplified by Rhonda's decision to leave him - "That Somebody Else Isn't You." Hoffnung and Hoover, the Raggedy Ann and Andy of Act One, visit the O'Malley home, and their revelation prepares all for the final scene.Once again in the park, but Christmas now. Under the watchful eyes of Santa and Mrs. Claus, Blunder explains to Professor Cowan that although a white mouse may be all he needs for complete happiness, she needs more - "What Adolph Needs is Me." A fierce battle rages between the forces of good - "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" - and evil - "The Ride of the Valkyries." Family, home and the American way of life are ultimately restored - reprises of "It's Home to Me" and "I'll Love You in Moonlight." The best kept secret of World War II is a secret no more.